The King’s Post

Verily, the King’s Post has become one of mine arch nemesis. They are an enemy to the public, yet claim that they have provided a service. In the past I have had to battle them, yet now the Amazon Guild hath begun using them. I have gone to the guild again and again, beseeching them to use their old post system. Alas, they will not. It hath caused me to do business with the evil Wal Guild instead.

Indeed, rather than send reliable owls or crows, the King’s Post transports goods and messages by carts pulled by a pair of goats who have a grudge against each other. They are guided by those who are napping while driving and refuse to go more than two meters past their carts. Even if a package has instructions to take directly to the recipient, they refuse.

Yet they wield their power as if they were a mighty army. They only send the army out to battle, never to deliver, though. I have had many skirmishes with them this summer. Indeed I’ve had to send many owls to the Amazon Guild concerning deliveries that never arrived.

This past Thursday, the day devoted to the Mighty Thor, I didst go and see a play about him. Upon my return, I learned that the King’s Post had refused to deliver my Painter’s Box. It is a contraption that gives better lighting when painting. They would have had to walk more than two meters, so they left a badly written note that if I wanted the item, I would have to trek to their headquarters, beyond the dune seas and past Bandit’s Road. Indeed, many it is a perilous, and quite long, journey.

I immediately sent an owl to the Amazon Guild. For we had just had a similar battle over two pillows. I had to get past the guild’s ogre guard first. It is not very intelligent and that but a limited number of responses. I didst curse it mightily, and it did not flinch. Yet upon mine hundredth demand that it let me speak to a human, it gave in. The human didst immediately give me a refund and I ordered the item from the evil Wal Guild, instead.

That night, I then realized that I had never received the shoes that copied the style of the Converse Cobblers, but in purple. I sent yet another owl the next day inquiring after it. The King’s Post callously admitted to having lost them. They showed no remorse and I suspect one of them didst abscond with mine shoes.

Indeed, a hex shalt be prepared for all those who serve the vile King’s Post.