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Verily, I would like to write more, but I have a chest of bracelets that I must needs send to yon friend in the next kingdom. For she doth have a shop, one not in the Market of Etsy, where she shall display my wares.

Then I must, with much haste, continue to mark my lovely scholars scrolls. Forsooth, a goblin and troll were unable to follow simple directions. They doth turn villains into heroes. Another, hath been fooled by cultural myths and bethinks that an insignificant is significant. For, sadly, generations past have been told this myth as fact, but ’tis not so. So, I shall return to the markings and packaging. Then more bracelets need to be constructed.

Verily, I didst mention in the last blog that I was in the mountains next week. Indeed ’twas near the top, in the lands where birds and other devices are cut off by gnomes who work in nearby caves and want no word of their deeds to get out. Even the Verizon Birds were unable to carry messages in those areas.

I was with my brother’s family in the land of the Creek of Christopher. We stayed in a nice cottage upon the creek. The cottage didst sport four bedchambers. It also had a lovely gazebo on the creek and a swing built to overlook it.

On the first full day, we didst quest for a nearby trail that appealed to families and was safe for children. Alas, we didst never find it. Instead, we made our way on an ancient, unused trail. We never did find out where it led to, for those nasty gnomes were about and the inability to send a bird for help didst make me nervous.

The next day, we journeyed to a nearby lake. ‘Twas picturesque and many were there, fishing and journeying upon the water. I rented a boat from a local merchant and took my nephews out upon the water. The oldest greatly enjoyed it, while the other two made me nervous by hanging off the side and wanting to play with the fish. ‘Twas more than a bit vexing. We dropped the younger two off and enjoyed the boat for an hour without them. Alas, I fell victim to the fact that my skin is like that of a beansidhe. The sun didst beat upon it and I ended up with a burn of the second degree upon my skin. ‘Twas worth it!

While it was worth it, we were far from any apothecary and I was in pain by the next day. I stayed in and rested, reading many great scrolls, while the others again searched for the lost trail. They still failed to find it, but came upon a fishmonger who showed them the sights. They returned and we went to dinner; excepting the night hag, of course. For her Cult of Vegan seems to forbid her from even going to a restaurant.

The restaurant was wonderful. They kept friendly gnomes and tree ents nearby. There was a notice not to feed the gnomes. I dined on crisp chicken salad. Alas, the waiter didst mistake me for my brother’s mother and that was disconcerting. Verily, there are but six years between us! The waiter also seemed to have to fight gnomes off frequently, which must be what caused him to take such long, tedious periods between the times he visited our table. That and the fact that the tavern was understaffed. Yet, their food was good.

The following day, we didst play games. My family is very aggressive in their game play and there were many fierce battles. I won but one.

The next day, I returned to the wastelands and was yelled at by my familiar for being gone so long.

Behold, I have returned from the mountains unto the Desert of Desolation known as Phoenix. Much fun was had there, as I enjoyed nature with my brother, a wise wizard, my sister-in-law who is a lovely half-fey/half-witch, their three lovely and rambunctious sons, and my sister-in-law’s mother. The mother-in-law claims to be a retired witch, but that may be a ruse.

In fact, I suspect she is a night hag. She used to herd young children, one must ask for what nefarious purposes. Worse, she has joined a radical cult! I know, for she mentioned it more than once. She has joined the vegans! Members of that cult always proclaim themselves and try to get others to join using shaky logic and fallacies. Indeed, she didst claim that animals do not eat each other and became hysterical when I informed her that they did, some even eat humans and other higher creatures, she became very upset and became hissing and screeching. ‘Twas indeed some of the sounds of a night hag. She claimed the facts ‘upset her’.

Furthermore, she didst disappear every morning, claiming she was going on a hike. Yet when we went to the lake, she didst refuse to attend the festivities. ‘Twas either the sun or water that made her shiver in fear. Likely, it was both.

She even brought a strange sponge, a creature from the depths of the oceans, to wash our dishes with. When I refused to use it, using a cloth instead, she became most upset. One must wonder what strange potions or noxious elements she didst infuse the poor sponge with, after having it ripped from its natural habitat and what her purpose was. Indeed, her attempt to insist upon one sponge being used to wash the dishes that others would consume food upon, didst make me wary.

The fact that she would also cower in dark corners while eating her Vegan fare didst worry me more. What strange rituals has her cult required her to embrace. For she didst even turn her nose up at fruit and salads. There is some strange, dark work afoot and I must keep careful watch for the sake of my brother and nephews.

‘Tis the week of Professional Development with the Trust of Battlefields. Indeed, we professors must attend such things for spells of continuous education. Alas, many of those chosen to perform these lessons, are secretly imps and dark fey. There hath been even and energy vampire or two.

In the mornings, these mischief makers and energy drainers have been attempting to kill the professors of history with their extreme dullness and abilities to drain energy. One, who spoke of the hunting ships, was so talented at their Torture of Dullness that I wanted to gnaw off my own leg to escape his droll voice. How one could make the Essex, which sank and the survivors resorted to cannibalism, boring I do not know. Yet verily he didst so.

The one I am doing now is doing one of the most horrific things to ever happen in this world, indeed a Holocaust, and is managing to be dull. They say his lessons have been up for awards. Forsooth, it must have been awards from the Torturers Guild. His voice is that which playwriters use to mock historians and present them as dull.

Pray unto thine gods for me. I am only halfway through.

Verily, the King’s Post has become one of mine arch nemesis. They are an enemy to the public, yet claim that they have provided a service. In the past I have had to battle them, yet now the Amazon Guild hath begun using them. I have gone to the guild again and again, beseeching them to use their old post system. Alas, they will not. It hath caused me to do business with the evil Wal Guild instead.

Indeed, rather than send reliable owls or crows, the King’s Post transports goods and messages by carts pulled by a pair of goats who have a grudge against each other. They are guided by those who are napping while driving and refuse to go more than two meters past their carts. Even if a package has instructions to take directly to the recipient, they refuse.

Yet they wield their power as if they were a mighty army. They only send the army out to battle, never to deliver, though. I have had many skirmishes with them this summer. Indeed I’ve had to send many owls to the Amazon Guild concerning deliveries that never arrived.

This past Thursday, the day devoted to the Mighty Thor, I didst go and see a play about him. Upon my return, I learned that the King’s Post had refused to deliver my Painter’s Box. It is a contraption that gives better lighting when painting. They would have had to walk more than two meters, so they left a badly written note that if I wanted the item, I would have to trek to their headquarters, beyond the dune seas and past Bandit’s Road. Indeed, many it is a perilous, and quite long, journey.

I immediately sent an owl to the Amazon Guild. For we had just had a similar battle over two pillows. I had to get past the guild’s ogre guard first. It is not very intelligent and that but a limited number of responses. I didst curse it mightily, and it did not flinch. Yet upon mine hundredth demand that it let me speak to a human, it gave in. The human didst immediately give me a refund and I ordered the item from the evil Wal Guild, instead.

That night, I then realized that I had never received the shoes that copied the style of the Converse Cobblers, but in purple. I sent yet another owl the next day inquiring after it. The King’s Post callously admitted to having lost them. They showed no remorse and I suspect one of them didst abscond with mine shoes.

Indeed, a hex shalt be prepared for all those who serve the vile King’s Post.

This past Thursday night, indeed the very day dedicated to the god Thor, I didst watch the new play based on his adventures. It was a fun movie, with a very fun director.

The first thing I did, upon leaving my hovel, was to go to the market. I visited the shops of Tanger, where I did seek out the artisan Torrid. When I’d left Torrid’s shop the week earlier, one of her shop girls had left on potion bottle that would break and stain the clothes if the proper spell had not been recited.

The shop’s wonderful proprietress was there this time, as was the shop girl I knew left the potion on. The proprietress didst remove the potion bottle for me. ‘Twas also their infamous Dollars Days, I being in possession of 150 of these, as well as twenty silvers in reward, didst verily browse their shop again. I didst discover three garments which spoke to me, saying I needed them. When, I left the shop a bird didst cry out signaling that the same shop girl had left a potion bottle on a garment yet again. Praise the gods that the bird didst cry out and I did not have to take another trip to fix the bottles yet again. Forsooth, I hope the shop girl doth spend a day in the stocks to remind her to remove her potion bottles.

Before going to the playhouse, I didst stop by the nearby tavern, Cheddars. Their food is quite palatable. I dined upon a vegetable salad with crispy chicken. The tavern wench also kept my strawberry lemonade flowing. Truly, I do recommend the tavern.

The play was quite enjoyable. I especially liked the play within a play, which saw the return of the same actors from the previous installment’s play within a play and the addition of Hela played by the best actress from that play about a mother and daughter named Gilmore. It didst make me laugh. I didst also cry for the villain as he and his motivation were introduced. His reasons behind his actions were most understandable.

Afterwards, I didst return to my hovel and my familiar, who didst yell at me for being gone for too long.

‘Tis been a long time since I have written upon the mighty scroll of BLOG. Forsooth, I must repent and write upon it daily, it ensure that I shall post upon the week… or at least every fortnight.

I have ben spending my summer in my hovel and learning new techniques of metal and hammer. Alas, ’tis not the mighty blades that I have been constructing, for my hovel does not permit a mighty forge. ‘Tis the smaller met ingots which are woven and crafted into ornaments. This is mixed in with my chainmailling, as well. For several have advised that I should reopen my small shop in the markets of Etsy, where the works of chain and wire shall be offered.

The efforts to prepare the shop for reopening have led to many adventures and wars with evil organizations, such as the King’s Post. Truly, they are maniacal and most diabolical. They are led by one with hate in his heart. I plan to go further into mine battles with them.

For now, I shall return to the work of wire and chain, between coming up with new material for the return to the Academy at the end of the month.

Verily, this morning I didst go to the Market of Wal to have the oils that regulate the magic in my broom changed. For I was not sure how old the oil was, but I could smell it when I activated the spell to cool the air around me while I was on the broom. When I arrived in the Market of Wal, I was told that it would be a three hour wait. Alas, when I had once taken it to the shop of the broom smith, they had scheduled an exact time for me to come. Then made me wait more than three hours. So, I waited. I didst go over student scrolls while I did so.

When my broom was finally done, I went into the rest of the Market of Wal. I picked up food stuffs, as well as cleaner for my teeth. I had wanted a half pound of their already prepared chicken. The lady only gave me one. This indicates they are not taking care of their serfs, for they are too hungry to understand words. So, I went over the the tavern of the one who calls himself Panda. I had decided to dine on their Honey Walnut Shrimp. Then felt that if there were a problem, I would go with their chicken marinated in teriyaki.

Alas, there was a Blight upon the shrimp and they had none to offer. Then the chef, who marinated their chicken, had been shot by a random arrow on the way to tend his fowls. Both dishes were not available. The tavern wench claimed that a new dish with chicken and almonds was good, so I didst try it. Then wench was a liar! ‘Twas not good! ‘Twas bad, quite bad. The rice that came with it was dry, as well, but was sustenance.

Alas, it appears that I have been hexed. Life is getting stressful. The worst of it is the pestilence that has been visited upon me. For I had not finished consuming yesterday’s mid-day meal, before my stomach didst rebel. ‘Twas either a full on stomach pestilence or my food had been poisoned! I was violently ill. Others, upon my communication crystal chat with my family, urged me to find another to cover mine classes and stay home. I did not, for I thought I would be better. Alas, they were right.

I didst arrive at work, having taken no sustenance. Through the night, my stomach had seemed to calm. Yet, by the time I had finished flying my broom to work, my stomach was on the edge of rebelling again. I had work to do, but discovered that the first floor scribe had been left tied up. Someone had left him like that. It took a long time to figure out the knots and then he still insisted his hands were jammed, when they were not. After we sorted that out, I tried to get him to copy pages for me. He began choking when he got to about the third page. I would sooth him and massage him, yet each time it began choking each time. I gave up, planning to have my mighty Assistant do the copying, but it seems that she too has caught the pestilence. I am without my mighty Assistant.

For now, I shall continue to persevere. For that is all I have to do.

Yesterday, I missed the weekly meeting with the High Priestess. It is a time that the entire coven comes to worship. Although, with the plague running rampant through the land still, several coven members watch the ceremonies in their scrying mirrors. I had slept too long, my familiar allowing me to rest for once.

Alas, this resulted in a rough night’s sleep last night. I didst dream terrible and confusing prophesies and woke before the rooster. ‘Twas most sad. I didst get to the academy early, which was good as I had much work to do.

Alas, I quickly learned that someone had killed the scribe. Didst happen just last week as well. I had to wait as a new scribe was woken and the dead body was taken out. I had to send the elf who assists me down during the first class of the day to have the scribe make more copies, yet she thought she had to wait for the witches and wizards who barged in; insisting their copies were more important. I arrived an hour before the appointed time, they could have as well. Yet more poor elf could not stand up to them and I am still behind in my work. ‘Tis most sad. I shall discover, anon, which witches and wizards it was and challenge them to duels.